I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
