In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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