Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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