According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
