his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
