They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know her cup size but not her name....
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