i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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