I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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