I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
