I think im going to throw up on grandma
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
