Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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