i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
