I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
