check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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