Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
