Your dad touched me again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
