hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
