Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
