Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
