someone get that fucking seahorse.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
