The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
