I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
