Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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