I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
