it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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