I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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