I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
