Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need moral support for this bender
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
