hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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