She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
