so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
