I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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