I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
