I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
