Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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