SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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