I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
