My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
