Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
