I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
