he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
should my penis look like a turkey
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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