Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
