wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
