handjob tips. give me some.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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