he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
