Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
