We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
