Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
