She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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