You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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