sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
