dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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