you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
