true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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